Kuntar Texts Wahbe

THE END OF THE ERA OF DEFEATS
Pivazistan's Exclusive Coverage

Undisclosed Location, Lebanon: Pivazistan's sources close to Hizbollah have learned that the newly liberated hero Samir Kuntar has sent a text message to Lebanese pop star Haifa Wehbe. Samir, who requested that we report him speaking from an undisclosed location due to security concerns (editor's note: he was calling from Dahiyieh, Beirut), said that he heard that Haifa admired Hassan Nasrallah and thus thought he had "a good chance to score with her". He then added, "She is super hot." Samir did not reveal the exact contents of the text message, but did state that he "asked her out", "made a Jew joke ending with LOL", and "concluded the message with a smiley face". Our sources are not sure if he has received a response yet. Rumor has it that Haifa's phone is out of battery and she cannot find her charger.

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