Interview with Samir Kuntar

THE END OF THE ERA OF DEFEATS
Pivazistan's Exclusive Coverage

Beirut, Lebanon: Pivazistan is the first news agency to interview the freedom fighter, the recently freed hero, Mr. Samir Kuntar. Below is the uncut transcript of the interview:

Pivazistan: Hujat al-Islam, Mr. Samir Kuntar, first of all 1000 congratulations on your safe return, you have made us all born-again Shi'as!
Samir Kuntar: Awwwwww, thank you!
P: You spent too much time in the prisons of the occupiers, what did you learn during your time in prison?
SK: I learned a lot about how hard chess is as a game.
P: Is that all? Surely you were subjected to all forms of torture in the hands of the Zionists, can you describe to us some of the tortures you experieneced in prison?
P: Yes, I was only allowed to sleep with my Israeli Arab wife and I was seperated from all the Palestinian boys who were in the same prison... the Israeli guards also teased me, but you know what, I am now free and so let's forget about the boys of prison, I am now focused on the boys of freedom!
P: Boys of freedom?
SK: Yes, Lebanese nationalists in their teens
P: When you were released, you immediately changed into military uniform, is that an indication that you're joining the resistance?
SK: Maybe, but I want to go to Najaf for a few years and study to become a scholar.
P: Mr. Kuntar, I know you granted us only two minutes of your time, so our last question to you is, what is your ultimate wish?
SK: My wish is to be considered one of Pivazistan's "amazing Arabs"
P: I promise to run that by Ashraf, after all I can't think of anyone better fit than you for the title.
SK: Thank you.

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